


The Brainiacs

by orphan_account



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Minor Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-01-25 02:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21348700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Zim removes Dib's brain for a dumber one, but Gaz knows what he's up to! She forces him to try and undo the swap. However, trouble arises, and the two have to work together to bring Dib back!
Relationships: Gaz & Zim (Invader Zim)
Kudos: 8





	1. Cringe Normie

**Author's Note:**

> There's some specific jokes at the beginning that 99% of the population won't get (unless you use Reddit, than you still might not get them) so, uh, carry on.

The blazing sun baked the Membrane children's skin, as Dib and Gaz trotted home from school. Yellow grass shriveled on both sides of the barren, suburban street. Gaz glanced at her brother, when she noticed something was off.  
  
"Why'd you take your jacket off?" she asked.

"It's hot," her brother complained.

Her mind was buzzing with confusion.

She thought, "He wears that jacket every day, even in the summer!"

The sister bit her lip, as she stared at him. Today, he had a dumb look on his face, dumber than usual. He wore a blank stare, with a small smile at his lips. Drool marked the corners of his mouth.

She thought, inner voice laced with contempt, "He looks stupider than usual. I don't know how the hell you can get even more stupid than normal Dib, but he's done it."

Her eyebrows wrinkled together; she needed to come up with a test to see how special he had become.

"Dib," she asked, "What's your stance on Minecraft and Fortnite?"

"Minecraft good, Fortnite bad," he chanted.

She rubbed her chin, as she thought of another question.

"What's your favorite song?"

"Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen."

Sweat nervously began to drip down her neck, as he began to hum a part of the song.

"How do you view Shrek? Good-looking, attractive-"

"Sexy."

Her lip quivered, as she asked her final question.

"How do you view Reddit?"

"It's a perfectly fine website with no problems whatsoever!"

She leaped three feet into the air with fright.

"You're a cringe normie!" she screamed.

He blinked slowly, radiating stupid from him.

"Am not! I use r/dankmemes."

She slapped her forehead.

"What happened, Dib?" she asked, utterly baffled. "You were perfectly normal- well, normal for you- at lunch!"

He scratched his head slowly.

"We have different classes," he drawled.

She wiped the sticky sweat off her face, as her brain started to churn out possible solutions.

"What the hell? What did he do, smoke crack?" she thought, "No, it doesn't make you _that_ brand of stupid."

She glared at her brother, who was now whistling All-Star.

"Maybe somebody tortured him."

Her brain churned harder.

"Make someone that stupid? In a class period? I don't think that could happen to anybody."

Suddenly, her brain came upon a plausible answer. Zim. Denying the truth, she searched harder for an answer, but her brain turned up blank. The more she thought of the upcoming walk, the more a happy, optimistic feeling washed over her.

"Why would I ever want to go to his house?" she thought, scowling at herself.

However, she had a feeling she already knew the answer. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of sickly sweet feelings. Gaz was so caught up in her thoughts, she almost walked past her house! Dib was already opening the front door. Face reddening, she sped into the front yard. He swung open their front door, as they crept into the house. Taking a few steps inside, Gaz slung her bookbag onto the table. She re-opened the front door.

"Dib?" she commanded, "Tell Dad I'm going to a friend's house."

"You have friends?"

"I set myself up for that one," she growled, as she shut the door.

Zim was welding together metal, deep in his underground base, when he heard the speaker play a doorbell noise. Scowling, he tore off his safety mask, and entered a pipe. The pipe shot him upwards like a bullet. With a puff of air, he was launched uneventfully from the kitchen. Scrambling to his feet, the computer automatically stuck on his disguise, as he opened the door.

"What do you want, dibsister?" he grumbled, "I'm busy."

"Busy wiping my brother's brain?"

The alien rolled his eyes.

"Tch. I was hoping you didn't notice. Anyway, I didn't "wipe it" or whatever. I swapped it with the universe's least intelligent brain that could still be considered somewhat sentient."

Straightening out his body, he declared, "An Irken brain."

Gaz let out an amused honk.

"That's why we have PAKs." He tapped his head. "These things are practically useless."

"Anyway," Gaz growled, re-orienting the conversation, "Put his brain back!"

Zim calmly stepped back into his doorway.

"No thanks."

He shut the door. Gaz's jaw dropped. She stood, unsure of what to do next.

"Well," she thought, "I can't just leave."

She knocked on the door. Deciding that he wasn't going to answer, she knocked harder, practically pounding the door. He did not answer. Next, she bombarded the door with small, annoying knocks.

"Stop doing that!" Zim screeched, as he opened the door once more.

"Now that I have your attention," Gaz roared, "I'm going to make a threat."

"No thanks," Zim responded, as he shut the door.

Gritting her teeth in frustration, she pounded on the door again. However, the door did not open.

"I'm making a threat!" she screamed at the door, "If you don't change out my brother's brain, I'm going to teach GIR the Fortnite dances!"

The door flew open! Zim skidded to the concrete, hard rock busting his knees. He clasped his hands together.

"Oh-god-oh-fuck- Please don't do that! I beg you! I've been trying to get GIR to stay away from those pesky normie games for months!"

Suddenly, GIR poked his head in the door.

He asked politely, "What's Fortnite?"

With a face full of seriousness, Zim stated, "Child pornography."

The robot screamed! Fearfull, he skittered away, out of view. The alien, embarrassed at his pitiful position, leaped up.

"Zim has a feeling you're going to keep bothering me if I don't fix your brother. So, I will fix him."

He moved to close the door, but Gaz stuck her foot in it.

"You're not going anywhere without me. I don't want you putting in the second most stupid kind of brain."

"That would be a human's," Zim informed her, smirking.

Rolling her eyes, she shoved her way into the house. A smell of dish soap hit her nostrils, making her furiously blink. Glancing around the strange house, she felt like she was being stared at by the enormous, simian painting. Zim, with his disguise now off, motioned her to stand next to him. With the pair standing in the middle of the floor, a loud clunk of metal startled her. Suddenly, the floor piece catapulted them into the air! Gaz tightly shut her eyes, as she clung onto Zim's arm with all of her might. After a fearful second, she felt like she wasn't being thrown weightlessly. She weakly opened her eyes to find herself sitting in Zim's ship.

"You can let go now," Zim offered.

Embarrassed, she realized she had been gripping his arm this whole time. Her knuckles were white with force. She muttered an apology, as she quickly moved her hands to her knees.

"We are going to abduct your brother," he explained.

She was on the edge of the single, small seat, so she scooted with force.

The alien countered, shoving with a force equal to hers, "Hey! I'm the pilot! I get the seat!"

"And I'm the moral support!"

"I didn't ask for you to be here," Zim snapped.

"But you're not kicking me out."

The alien grumbled something under his breath, face developing a darker shade. He pressed a few buttons on the console, and the ship shuddered. Suddenly, they catapulted into the air! Gaz gripped his arm again, as she felt her stomach plummet. She detested the startled peep that came out of her mouth. The ship zoomed upwards, and after a few seconds, glided across the ground. They halted suddenly when they approached her house. The travel took a mere two seconds, but Gaz felt like she had been put through a year of anxiety.

"I bet you hate rollercoasters," Zim commented, as he pressed a small, green button.

Prying her hands away from the alien, she squeaked, "Yep."

She saw a green beam tear Dib from his room. They suddenly found themselves being squished even tighter, as Dib appeared in the vehicle.

"Hi, Gaz! This is so cool!" he cheered.

Zim grabbed him roughly by the hair, and opened up a large, black box with his free hand. He threw the boy into the box, and slammed the lid. He placed a small, inspirational paperweight onto the lid.

"Phase two!" he shrieked.

Gaz did not comment on that.

"We're going to the Brain Bank."

"The Brain Bank?" she asked.

He slyly informed, "It's self explanatory; bank full o' brains. Also it's in outer space."

Gaz groaned, stomach twisting in agony. A horrible fear grew like a cancer. She bit her lip, glancing at the box. Self-preservation flared, telling her to abandon him. She thought, "No! Going into outer space for Dib is worth it!" Another part of her brain informed her that she would also be hanging out with Zim for an undetermined amount of time. Her mind warred with feelings. Writhing, she crossed her arms, determined to go on.

Gaz grumbled, "Woo, space."

"Ready?" he asked, amused.

Gaz quickly wrapped her arms around the alien. She could feel him jolt a little in surprise. She nodded her head, which was buried in his chest.

"Lucky for you, I like physical contact," he mentioned, as he pulled a lever.

The two were pressed to the backs of their seats, as they flew up incredibly fast. A large amount of force was exerted onto their bodies. Gaz let out a small screech, clutching the alien's chest even harder. Her stomach felt like it was still back on Earth. All of a sudden, she felt nothing at all. She un-buried herself from the alien's chest, and glanced around, confused. The twinkling darkness of space surrounded them. Gaz clamored over the alien to press her face to the glass. She could see Earth shrinking into the distance. With a single blink, it was gone.

"You have a window on your side, you know," Zim growled, not pleased that his leg was being used as a stepstool.

Crawling to her side of the seat, she asked, bewildered, "How did it go from really fast to barely nothing at all?"

"Science," he stated confidently.

Rolling her eyes, she quipped, "I've heard that word _way_ too many times in my house."

This elicited a barking laugh from the child-sized alien. The pair stared into space.

She asked, "Do you find space cool?"

He shrugged. "I see it every day, so I'm used to seeing it. So, no."

Surprised, he raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well," Zim defended, "You look at your phone every day, and you don't find it absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever appreciated it's sleek, lightweight design?"

He felt like she got his point, because she crossed her arms. The pair sat in silence. A shiver of awkwardness traveled between them. Space bored the hell out of the pair, despite it being all sparkly and shit.

"How long is this going to take?" she complained.

"A while."

"How long is a while?"

"About an hour."

An annoyed grumble rose from her chest. She put her feet on top of the dashboard, and slouched.

Pulling her skirt to a respectable level, she mumbled, "Whatever."

Yet again, silence swept through them. She wanted to gush about so many things, to say so many words, but she didn't know where to start. They both suffered in silence. Words wanted to be said. A few minutes passed, as they writhed in their seats. Soon, however, they began to fight for seat space again. Suddenly, a shoving and elbowing match broke out! The two were equally matched, as they pushed and shoved. Their arms got sore, as nobody made any progress. Finally, after a minute of squabbling, Zim stood up.

"I have a compromise!" he stated.

He scooped up Gaz by the waist. He sat down, and plopped the girl on his lap.

"There we go! Compromise!" he claimed, pleased with himself.

As soon as the alien slipped his hands off of her waist, she scrambled off of him. She roundhouse kicked him in the face, causing him to tumble to the floor.

"Yow!" he screeched, peeling his small body off of the floor.

Gaz sat smugly in his chair.

"My chair."

With a sigh, the Invader sat on the box.

He remarked, "Women," under his breath.

"What about 'em?"

"Oh, are we changing the topic now? So- Women talk a lot. They gather in groups. Herds. Clumps. They are the blood clot to the hallways! They endlessly chatter. That's all they do! Clump and chat. Except you."

Gaz wrapped her arm around his neck, putting him in a headlock.

"That wasn't an insult!" Zim choked, "That was an observation!"

She begrudgingly let him breathe. He took a moment to hack and wheeze.

"What I was going to say was this; do you have friends?"

She sputtered in surprise.

"Of course I have friends! They're just not at skool."

He cocked his head, looking curious.

"They're online. I talk to them nearly every day. I met them from MMOs and FPSes, and, well, we stuck together. They're from all over; I have no idea how we talk at the same time, being in different times zones and whatnot."

The invader heaved the heels of his boots onto the lid, and hugged his knees to his chest.

He remarked, mainly to himself, "I might want to play those kinds of games, then."

"What do you mean by that?"

He sputtered, "I-! Um, those games sound fun! Interacting with people and what not."

Gaz glared at him, suspicious.

"You don't find people fun."

Sweat dripped down his forehead. It had not grown hot in the ship, but he felt like his body was burning up on the inside. He sputtered, trying to come up with a good lie, but no words came out of his mouth.

"You know what's not fun?" Zim mentioned, orienting the conversation from getting too personal, "That damn Stadia thing. What the hell is up with that?"

Gaz clasped her hands together, primed and ready to complain.

"The problem with that stupid thing is that the world's not ready for streaming such a complex thing as video games online."

"Streaming?" he asked, cocking his head.

"You know, over the internet?"

Zim pressed his eyebrows together; not that he had any.

"Wait, the controls are sent over the internet?"

Gaz nodded, smiling as the alien guffawed at the horrible statement.

He cried, "No wonder there's so much lag!"

The pair slipped out of the Voot Cruiser, feet hitting the dusty, desaturated, pink dirt. The air was a dark blue, space twinkling behind the atmosphere. With the moon's light gravity, they could bounce like the ground was a trampoline. Gaz couldn't help but crack a smile. They skipped into the clinic, which was a shimmering blue. A wood-carved sign read, "Brain Bank". She wondered why they needed the sign, since that building was the only one on the rock's surface. The two bounced into the two-storied building, Zim hauling the black box behind him. They waltzed into the cool building, where a single being sat behind a sleek, black desk. He was short, humanoid, light blue, and had a ginormous brain. Gaz was reminded of Wojak with his brain as his chair.

"Good morning. Or afternoon. Time is relative," greeted the alien, who pushed his rectangular glasses up one of his two noses.

"Back so soon?" he asked Zim.

"Yes! The female pestered me to undo my operation."

"While I am a proponent against peer pressure, I'm glad she convinced you. You know I disapprove of your world-conquering."

"I know you do, yet you are powerless to stop me."

"The strong subjugate the weak."

"Uh-huh. Hey, Brian, is the surgery room open?"

Humbly, the intelligent alien stated, "The door is closed, but the room is free to use."

Zim motioned the human to a door a few steps down a hallway. He pushed the cheap-looking wooden door open, where a dark room sat in silence. It was a small chamber, occupied by a tall cart of tools and an examination table. Zim kicked the heavy box into the room, and shut the door. The two wandered back into the main lobby, where Zim stuck an eyeball to a retina scanner on the side of the wall. Two gargantuan doors opened, at least three times their size.

"Can I bring the human in?" he called out to the receptionist.

Swiveling in his chair to meet them, as his desk was in front of the doors, he mused, "Of course. She's harmless."

"Harmless?" Gaz repeated, insulted.

"Yes."

Flustered, she strode threateningly towards the alien. Suddenly, a sharp feeling pulsated through her brain! It felt like a migraine on steroids. She stumbled back, clutching her head.

"What the hell was that?" she screeched, as the headache subdued.

"Like I said," the receptionist explained with a knowing smile, "Harmless."

Face red with embarrassment, she whipped around, her shoes making a slight squeak against the tile.

"C'mon, Zim," she snapped, "Let's find my brother."

The doors closed behind the two, as they stepped into the strange room. A yellow, fluorescent light buzzed overhead, as the pair bounced onto the grimy concrete floor. Black wires, thick and thin, danced around their feet. Metallic shelves held containers, full of a liquid, yellow preservative, and a brain. Gaz rubbed her arms, a cloud of mist exiting her mouth. They only had to take a few steps into the room before Zim stopped in his tracks.

"And here is the Dib-human's brain!" he announced. 

A human brain floated in the yellow liquid. Despite years of desensitization with gory videogames, she still found herself squeamish. Being in this room made her feel surreal.

Zim's fingers aiming at a worn, mechanical keypad, he punched in a code. It beeped at him; no brain was dispensed. He poked the keypad. Yet again, it beeped at him.

He joked, "Third time's the charm!"

It beeped.

Zim's face scrunched in concentration, as the pair shivered in the harsh yellow light. He tried a few more combinations, but none of them worked. The alien bit his lip, brow creased with worry.

"So, uh," he mumbled, "I might've forgotten the passcode-"


	2. Beeg Brane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim and Gaz are going to have to work together to get Dib's brain back from memory loss!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfinished.

The pair stood in tense silence in the freezing room.

Gaz screamed, "How? You changed his brain like two hours ago!"

He shrugged. He twiddled his two stubby fingers nervously. Pushing the human out of the way, he bounded over to the heavy doors. He heaved them aside.

"Hey, Brian?" the alien cooed.

The receptionist turned around in his chair to gaze at the pair, who held no brains.

"Forgot the password?"

The alien nodded, face gaining a deeper, more saturated color.

"Don't worry, it happens to everybody," he reassured.

The large-brained receptionist heaved out of his chair, and skittered with his three, small legs down a hall.

"Can't you just tell me it? You remember everything!" Zim snapped.

Tilting his massive head backwards to face the beings behind him, he dreamily informed, "You have to work for it."

The earthy pair bounced down the low-gravity hall, while the receptionist bobbled close to the ground. Gaz theorized his head probably weighed a few seven hundred pounds.

"How does your tiny neck not snap?" she asked.

"Science."

Gaz rolled their eyes, as the stopped at a door. When opened, the room showed various pastel colored walls, a wooden table, and a high chair in the corner. There was also an unassuming black cabinet in the corner. The three filed into the silent room.

Brian placed sheets of paper onto the table, and tossed them a few well-used mechanical pencils. "What's this for?" "To get a brain, you have to use your brain!" Printed on the top paper were three riddle. The rest was scratch paper. "You have one hour to solve them all! Questions?" Gaz asked, suspicious, "What if we don't complete them all?" He pulled out a knife from his shirt pocket. While Gaz's eyebrows were raised, Zim laughed. Brian scowled, as from his pants pocket, he pulled out a ginormous laser weapon. "Are you threatened now?" he grumbled. "Yep!" "Start." The two aliens pulled the piece of paper closer to them, and grabbed the crumbling pencils. They scanned the twelve-point font Times New Roman double spaced letters words. He tapped his pencil on his chin, while 

**Author's Note:**

> I dislike people who beg for kudos & comments at the end of their works. I'll praise you if it's a good story, you don't have to remind me! >:\


End file.
